Welcome back to Stoned Sex, the column where I’ll be exploring the intersection of sex and sativas, intercourse and indicas, often through first-hand experience and interviews with experts.
For this week’s edition, we’ll be diving into people’s kinkiest moments involving weed. Are you ready? ‘Stoned Sex’ will be running every other week, so make sure to stay tuned for the next dose.
Nothing scares conservative America more than pleasure. It’s why cannabis, sex, and pretty much anything that makes you feel good is considered negative; it’s why you’re considered “bad” if you love sex, drugs, and having a good time — god forbid you be a woman who enjoys these things. Oh, the horror!
But it’s actually all bullshit. The biases against pleasure ostensibly started with religious zealots essentially denying everyone’s right to do what makes them feel good, which ultimately intertwined pleasure and guilt, often making them a packaged deal.
That said, the moral majority also birthed a certain type of rebel — people who says fuck the system, and aren’t afraid to embrace fun and getting creative with their pleasure. You know, like getting a clean vape from a legal source and sticking the end up your pussy with the mouthpiece out, so your boyfriend can vape the best drags of his life. And why yes, daddy, I will absolutely have another dab — and, of course you can punish me if I cough too much.
Anyways. I’m not the only perv in the smoking section. I asked kinky potheads to tell me hot stories — from strapping gas masks on while doing doggy style to playing puff, puff, pass during an orgy. Hopefully you enjoy these hot takes as much as I did.
Note: Subjects names have been changed to protect anonymity
Puff, Puff, Blow
My man and I were headed to his hot tub. I climbed in first to sit, and he stood in it while he lit a joint. I took advantage of my POV by taking him into my mouth, and he gasped with pleasure. He’d pass it down to me, and I’d take a puff or two while going to work. Needless to say, we both enjoyed ourselves in that very steamy hot tub.
— Marilyn, 21, California
I’ll Take an Orgasm Concentrate, Please
Several years ago, I got my clitoral hood pierced — a VCH, to be exact. About a year after that, I got another hood piercing: the triangle. Both were painful, as you might expect, but a week after getting the first one, I had an orgasm as I walked up a hill going to the train station. As orgasmic as the first piercing made me feel, the triangle amplified it. After getting the triangle, I was able to orgasm merely by willing it. Of course, this took focus and time.
Some months after I got the second piercing, I got pretty high. At the time, I used to hang out with this dude who LOVED to give me free dabs. I think he got some deep thrill from getting people very high (this was always around other people, not alone, so I felt safe). I knew the guy from my old job, and he was always kind to me, and I still buy from him to this day. Anyway, I could never finish my dabs and always ended up sharing the rest with a friend, and I think he was amused seeing me try.
One such night, I had done a dab and hung out for a bit before leaving to take the metro home. It’s common for weed to make me horny, so as I sat on the train, I began to fantasize. I began to get super deep into my fantasy and things started to feel VERY good. Before I even realized it, I thought, holy shit… I’m coming?
And then I came right there on the train! I was amazed! It had NEVER been that easy to orgasm by sheer will before. It happened before I could even process it! Since then, whenever I’m high and alone, I will make it a point to find some great erotica and have a hands free orgasm.
— Lex, 26, Washington DC
Candy Shop Lollipop
You know Foria? Well, it didn’t take me long to figure out that it works just as well as an edible. So I use the pleasure spray to jerk off my boyfriend, and then I suck his dick like a lollipop. He gets off, I get high — everyone wins.
— Leah, 32, Los Angeles
Strap In, Get Off, Get Stoned
Do you remember those gas mask bongs? Well, I’m sure that they are still around, but I haven’t seen them since college. Back then, my boyfriend and I had a [dom/sub] relationship going on, and our sex always had elements of power play in it. We were also both mega stoners, so we played with a lot of forced intoxication.
One day, I came over after class. I just had a test, and I was on the comedown from a string of days that involved lots of stimulants and little sleep (typical college, ya know?). I started whining and bitching the second I walked into his room. I’m a brat when I go days without dick or weed. He told me to shut up and bent me over. He spit in his hand and started fucking me from behind. I was really into it — it was the exact intensity I needed after all that school stress.
All of a sudden, he slowed down and seemed distracted. I wasn’t sure why, but the next thing I knew he strapped a gas mask bong onto my face, which was packed with some dank weed. He lit it up and came in me while I had the gas mask on, which smoked me out and got me high out of my mind. I will remember that moment for the rest of my life.
— Katie, 29, North Carolina
There’s this weed and sex club that I go to. Everything was consensual, but as anyone who has spent time at sex parties can attest to, if you start fucking in the right spot, as the night progresses, it basically turns into a massive orgy. My partner was penetrating me, some woman I didn’t know was sucking on my nipples, and I was making out with another beautiful stranger. I pull away from the kissing guy to get a look at what’s going on — you know, watching is half the fun — and a naked stranger next to me just passes me a joint. I remember thinking that it was as sensual as if they had kissed me. Actually, much better than if they had kissed me!
— Natalie, 34, New York City